Beliefs!

"Somewhere down the line, you started to believe some bull*** somebody said about you." - the words of my mentor Reese The Peacock Stylist.
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I had one of those "Ah-Ha" moments after she told me that. I realized that all of the negative things I used to tell myself first came out of the mouths of people that I loved, respected, and trusted, and just like Reese said, I started to believe it.
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-I started to believe that me and my ideas were dumb.
-I started to believe that my dreams were too big and that I was not the person worthy of them.
-I started to believe that I was not worthy to be loved by anyone- not even myself.
-I started to believe that no one would want to be friends with me because I was "different".
-I started to believe that I deserved the trauma that was being inflicted on me on a daily f***ing basis.
-It's pretty f***ed up to say this, but there's a lot more where this came from. These are just a few of the things that I believed about myself even from a very young age. Some things I heard on a daily basis from the time I was 13. Other things were said just one time by someone that I trusted and looked up to when I was younger. But because I thought they knew me better than I knew myself, and because I admired them so much- I thought it was true.

This was only a portion of the narrative that I started to tell myself well into adulthood every time I had an idea, or actually any positive thought for that matter. It wasn't until about 5 years ago or so that I started fighting against those beliefs about myself.

I'm 41 years old now, so you can imagine how much of a battle it's been and how much of a battle it still actually is now every day. But it's a battle I'm winning now and one that I'm going to continue to win.

There are a lot of things that I do differently now in order to keep the narrative in my head positive and empowering. Here are a few:

-CHANGE THE NARRATIVE: Whenever I'm faced with a challenge or something that I will have to get out of my comfort zone to accomplish- I hear the old belief saying, "No, don't do that. This is the worst possible outcome that can happen if you take this step" and cue the doom and gloom scenarios playing in my head. Now, I switch that s*** up! LOL I say "Nah, what's the BEST that could possibly happen if I make this move?" If I can think of even just one awesome thing, I'm doing it! Take this blog post for example. When I first started writing this post, I said to myself, "You're being vulnerable, Shay. What if you lose followers? What if someone judges you? What if they make fun of you? Stay quiet, Shay." But as you can see, I went against that thought.

I asked myself, "What's the best possible outcome that could come from this blog post?" My answers: 1. Someone may read this and realize that they are not alone. 2. Someone may read this and know someone going through the same thing and could pass it along for them to read and help them.

-NO LONGER AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. A lot of the things that I believed about myself were attached to trauma, abuse, and assault that I endured growing up and in adulthood. In order for me to get to the core of those beliefs and rebuild, I sought help. I realized that I had never actually dealt with these things... I only swept them under the rug. I sought the professional help of a therapist, the counseling of a spiritual advisor and I now have a mentor. I'm here to tell you that seeking help is okay and for me, it was the best decision that I could have ever made.

-AFFIRMATIONS. Affirmations have been one of the biggest and best things to have in my arsenal. They help me combat those negative beliefs each and every time I have them. Check this out... When I try to tell myself that I'm not worthy of doing something, or not worthy of my dreams, I say an affirmation out loud or in my head: "I AM more than worthy of every dream and goal I want to accomplish." When I try to tell myself that my ideas are dumb, I say, "The idea came to me for a reason. The vision is mine for a reason. I am divinely gifted and my steps are ordered. The vision was given to me for a reason and It's up to me to bring it to life. The world needs my view, vision, and stories. I cannot fail. I only win or learn." Doing affirmations every day has truly helped me change my mindset, the way I see myself, and the way I see and face challenges. I highly recommend them and will definitely be writing more about them soon!

And that's my blog post, yall! I truly hope you enjoyed it, and I hope this has helped you in some way. Have a wonderful day!